Six years ago, on Friday October 23rd, my life changed drastically. It was a day where rumors took root and blossomed their way from student to student. But to me, it was a day where my life was saved from the horrible monsters that had a stronghold on me.
I was a sophomore in high school. I was a cool kid. Okay, more like I imagined myself to be a cool kid, because you know how teenagers can be so egotistical. My every day life, everything I did, I did for the soul purpose of appearing cool to my fellow peers. Fortunately, that life wasn’t for me. God had a better plan.
They day started out normal enough. Only, I had a slight change to my uniform schedule. My so-called friends and I had a plan. A secret plan. Only I never realized it then how I was the only one willing to lay down my life before uttering any speck of the plan to any outsider. The guys, not so much. Sting had no issue bragging about our plan to anyone that road our bus. James was a bit on the quiet side, but everyone knew his reputation. Everyone knew Sting’s reputation. My friend Peggy knew all about our plan. If she judged, I knew not.
As we road on our bus together towards the school, we exchanged looks. I was nervous. Nervous for who would see me walking with these two boys. Nervous for school. Nervous for what could happen. Sting, James, and I talked in hushed whispers. Laying out the final details. We knew we would have about fifteen minutes prior to the first bell notifying us that our feet must be inside the school doors.
Once the bus pulled alongside the curb next to the school we made sure we were the last three to leave. We crossed the street away from the school and towards the spot. Our spot. Just before we got to the corner of the building that marked where our spot was, Sting’s friend Drake caught up with us. Three’s company turned into four. We ducked behind the building, and behind the dumpsters that hid us from the parking lot of the school.
Sting pulled out a small pipe; James pulled out the little baggy that held the little bit of green. Sting started. Pipe. Green. Lighter. Light. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Breathe. Then James. Then Drake. I was last. I coughed as I exhaled.
A numbness overtook me with what seemed only in seconds, although it was probably minutes later. A sort of happiness overtook me. But only momentarily. Regret claimed the rest.
We trudged back to the school. The rest of the day just sort of blurred by. It moved but was unaware of the world spinning forward. Suddenly the school officer was at the door and my name was being uttered. My classmates looked confused like it wasn’t my name that wasn’t supposed to be called. I was a good student. I was quiet. Shy. Why was I the cow being lead to slaughter?
Questions were spit at me. Who? What? Where? When? And even why?
Then I was left alone where my thoughts overwhelmed me. I felt cold as shivers ran down my spine. I felt alone. Time passed slowly. I was scared.
Maybe an hour later, I waited in the principles office for my mom to arrive. She cried as she hugged me begging for me to reveal the reason why I had walked down the very path that she herself once walked on. Then my body succumbed to a numbness. I cried no tears. I just felt regret. As we walked out of the school, I looked back at my school. It would be the last time I would see it for a month.
Years later, I still can’t help but reminisce on how far I’ve truly come in six years. I overcame the little monsters, that still gnaw at me. Little things trigger the “happiness” I once craved. But still I know I must look forward. Because God has a better thing in mind.