Scenario: Bar, club, some place with semi-loud music
Girl sits alone at a table, drinking some sort of soda, reading on her phone or perhaps an actual book (reading is still a thing…). Boy sits at a table a few seconds worth of a distance from girl, eyes her, waits a few minutes looking suspiciously for her boyfriend to appear. When it’s apparent she doesn’t have one, or at least not one present with her, he casually walks up with a sly grin on his face, and pride thumb-tacked to his chest.
Boy: Hiya, chicky. You are beautiful.
Girl: *Not enthusiastically takes a few seconds to actually acknowledge his presence; looks up* Hi. Can I help you?
Boy: *baffled and thrown back because usually his smile makes girls at least smile* Uhhh
Girl: *raises eyebrows* Can I help you?
Boy: Um yes. I’d like to just say you’re very beautiful. Would you like to dance?
Girl: No thanks. *goes back to her phone*
Boy: *very baffled at this point* I don’t get it. Why not?
Girl: *continues reading* I’m not interested
Boy: Oh, you have a boyfriend, don’t you?
Girl: *looks up, a slight irritation on her face* No. I don’t. I’m just not interested.
Boy: Are you into ladies?
Girl: No. *goes back to phone*
Boy: Are you like just a prude?
Girl: *looks up, irritation written all over her face* Does it matter?
Girl: But what? I’m not interested. Why do I have to justify my reasoning?
Girl: Because your ego is hurt? Seriously? I don’t have to tell you why I’m not interested. It doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have to be afraid of telling a guy ‘no’ and be worried about telling him why. Now please, don’t harass me anymore. *goes back to phone*
Boy: Wow…you are a stuck up prude. *turns around and walks away*
This scenario, although not completely exact, is the basic gist of what a conversation may look like between a girl and a guy who either wants to date her or maybe just “see where it goes.” Now, I had to reenact this scene various times, both in my head and talking aloud, (it’s not talking to myself if my dog is next to me, right?!) . I’ve also found myself faced with similar scenarios various times, so that also helped in trying to type this fake conversation up. And no matter how often I tell a guy no the first time, he usually takes that as a “please keep badgering me about it” sort of thing. I’m actually kind of sick of it.
For one, why should a girl HAVE to justify her reasoning of saying no? She shouldn’t have to feel like she has to lie and say that she does have a boyfriend, when in reality she might not. She shouldn’t have to take a designated friend with her to be her “lesbian lover” in order to cover her from awkward moment with telling a guy no. Why can’t a “no” be the signal of “this conversation is over, now please go away?”
Okay, so maybe some girls do enjoy the constant attention, I get it. Fine. Second, just because one girl reacts one way to this scenario, doesn’t mean that ALL girls will act this way. Okay, how many of y’all will actually dance with the guy, raise your hand! Put your hand down, ya silly kipper! No, for cereal, stick it in your pocket, and if you have fake pockets, then tuck it in your back pockets…and if you’re wearing leggings, then just…I don’t know, keep it down at your side.
And yes, side note, I do put a lot of quotations around everything…
A girl shouldn’t be pressured into something because she’s “obligated” too. She’s obviously not obligated to anything, especially if the conversation is going like that. See, there’s a thing called a standard. Girls, allow the boy to show you he’s worth your time. If his starting line is “Wow, you’re beautiful” it’s just too boring and too typical. What about, “Hello. I couldn’t help but notice you. Would you mind if I sat here?” Conversation proceed. Woo hoo!
But in all seriousness, a girl shouldn’t have to be forced to justify her no. She should feel special like she’s worth the extra time to get to know. Let’s face it, who wants a guy that just wants one thing. So don’t waste a girl’s time, Boys.
Now let’s talk about being single.
“….We were so hungry that we decided to get dessert first. Just to keep our blood sugar up. As we finished our ice cream, we were still hungry. It helped, but didn’t quite do the trick. Thankfully, our table was ready and we sat down to eat a completely satisfying meal. I fell asleep as he drove me home, so obviously it was good.
So what’s my point? I think sometimes we turn people into ice cream cones. Like our hearts are so hungry as we wait and wait, as place after place we seek satisfaction from fails, that we settle. And that’s just it. Sometimes, we chase after a man, or run into an ice cream shop, for that quick little fix. Funny though, how we still feel hungry, or lonely, still. It’s not quiet enough…So if you’re feeling lonely, look at what you’re filling yourself up with. Is it an ice cream cone, or in other words, a romance? OR is it the real meal? I’ll bet if you wait and seek a little longer, your table will be ready. And He will satisfy your hunger…”
I really couldn’t have said it better. And I just want to add that this can apply to men as well. I have several guy friends who are so fixated on finding the right one that they’re not focusing on making themselves the perfect man for the future woman. Seriously. There is no, I repeat NO shame in waiting around and passing by all those yuckies to simply fill oneself with a temporary fix.
Upon being asked out all too many times, I’ve learned that I don’t have to lie to a guy to get out of going on a date with him. I don’t have to pretend to be something that I’m not, just so he’ll quit pestering me. Stop allowing the “why” to surpass that “no.” Don’t let that simple, unoriginal man allow you to be swept up. Don’t settle for a lesser value than you’re worth. Because in the long run, you’ll still be hungry.